Circus Show Day 82

If I could go back in time what advice would this older and wiser Fee give to a younger Fee?

I have given this much thought over the past few weeks.  There are many life lessons I would share but when it comes to kidney failure and what I am currently being challenged with I would say three simple things:

  1. Drink more water
  2. Have regular health checks
  3. Be an organ donor

The crazy bit is when I read these three pieces of advice I realize how simple and easy they are.  They don’t require a lifestyle change or lots of money spent on gizmos that lay neglected in the back of a kitchen cupboard.  They don’t require weeks and months of dedication.  They are simple and anyone can do them.

Drinking more water is something that I have only really started to do over the past few years.  Growing up and in my twenties and early thirties I would never have a bottle of water in my work meetings or in my handbag.  It just wasn’t a habit that I had formed.  Now water is the first thing I think of when leaving home or getting settled in for a day at work.  Water is so readily available there is no reason why any of us should go without or deprive our organs of the much needed liquid gold.

Having regular health checks I also neglected in my life.  This is the one that I really do wish I had paid more attention to.  To take an hour out of my life every year to visit my local doctor and do a few tests now seems so easy.  What is an hour?  That hour every year could have prevented the health crisis that I now find myself facing.  That sixty minutes could have prevented all of the pain and heartache that is now consuming my once happy and carefree life.  Just an hour every year and I could be enjoying another Christmas with my family as a healthy and happy adult.

I have been someone that was almost proud of the lack of time I spent with my GP.  I was almost proud that I would push through illness, aches and pains without reaching out to my local doctor for support.  “I don’t need a doctor to tell me what is wrong, I can deal with this”.  How many times did my back hurt me over the years?  How many times did my legs swell without explanation?  How many times did I have a taste of metal in mouth that I self treated with strong mints and chewing gum?

I am not very proud now to say I was a fool.  I am no spring chicken.  I should have known better.  But I didn’t.  I didn’t do regular health checks.  I spent time in denial about my MS and did the minimum I could with that.  I am not too proud now to admit that I was wrong.  I should have listened more.  I should have done what the doctors had asked me to do instead of taking on a MacGyver approach to my health.  If I had been smarter my symptoms would have been confirmed through tests and I would have had early detection of a disease that will kill me.  If I had been smarter I might not be facing life on a machine.

The third piece of advice is the easiest of them all.  Be an organ donor.  It is as simple as ticking a box on your license.  This is actually one that I have done my whole life.  Since I first got permission to cruise the streets at the age of seventeen I have always been an organ donor.  There is something magical to me about dying but living on.  By giving away my organs when I die I get to be a hero through death.  I get to help someone else live and I keep on living.  A piece of me keeps living.  How can anyone not want that?  What a waste to rot in the ground or turn perfectly good organs to ash.  Keep living on and be generous in death I say!

So that’s my top three for a younger Fee.

But I can’t turn back time.  I can’t do ‘if only’.  I now need to face my fate head on.  I need to do whatever it takes to survive.  Right now that is recovering from two surgeries and getting my strength back for more tests so I can get myself on the donor list.  Right now I just want to enjoy a relaxing Christmas with my family and friends.

There is no turning back time.

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