The other day I had a comment flung at me during a conversation and it is still swirling around in my overactive mind.

“Hey you’ll be ok, it’s a bit inconvenient, but you’re still alive”

I know this comment came from a good place and the person who made the comment probably hasnt even thought about it again.  But me being me, I have.  I actually agree with most of the statement.  I will be ok and I am lucky to be alive.  It is the inconvenient bit of the comment that has got me questioning my own thoughts.

Inconvenience to me is waking up at 3am needing to go the toilet, or having to go to the bank on your lunch break.  But in the bigger picture of life does kidney failure fall into the category of inconvenience?

Am I looking at this all wrong?  Am I over thinking and over feeling this situation that I now find myself in?  Have I over complicated it?  Do I just need to take whatever is coming to me in my stride?  No more tears.  No more asking why or what did I do wrong?  Is it time to paint on a clowns smile and get back into the ring?

I am grateful to still be here.  Grateful to be able to feel the warmth of sunshine on my pale skin.  Grateful to still be seeing sunsets and hearing the rumbling of the ocean.  Maybe that’s enough.  Maybe the circus of needles, hospitals and dialysis is just a bit of an inconvenience. Maybe it is time for me to rejoin the living and embrace the joys of life.

I am still me.  I am still Happy Friday and chocolate for breakfast.

The show must go on.