I can do better.

I’ll be nicer.  I’ll be smarter.  I’ll be kinder.  I’ll be more thoughtful.  I’ll be more considerate.  I’ll be more generous.  I’ll be more forgiving.  I’ll love more.  I’ll give more.

Please let me try again.  Please can I go back?  Please can I start again?  Please give me another chance.  I don’t want this life.  I don’t want to be trapped in this body.  This body that is failing.

If I can go back and start again I promise I’ll look after myself better.  I’ll be better.

Please.  Please don’t make this my life.  I want to get off the merry-go-round of disease.

The truth is I can’t go back.  The truth hurts.  This is it.  This is my life.

I hate my new life. I hate my new ordinary.

I hate it.