I am back in my comfort.  I am home.

Thanks Mum for the past 24 hours.  Thank you for the soft landing.  Thank you for your warmth and place of rest.  Thank you for the nursing and the care.  Your love and protection is a magic prescription.  I couldn’t do this without you.

Today I feel more awake, more alert.  The fog of the surgery and drugs has lifted and my senses have returned.  I can unscramble my thoughts and reflect on the progress that we have made.

The surgery went well.  I now have a catheter that hugs my collar bone and tubes that hang just above my armpit.  They aren’t pretty but they also aren’t that obvious to the passer-by.  I am not happy about having tubes sticking out of my body, however I am pleasantly surprised at how easy they can be hidden under my clothes.  I am relieved.

The worst part at the moment is the pain and the look of the black string stitches. I am having difficulty turning my neck but this should hopefully pass once the swelling goes down and the protective tape is removed.  I can feel the catheter inside my body.  It is a bit uncomfortable and weird but as with anything I know I will get use to it over time and eventually I won’t notice it.

On the positive side I am alive and I have taken a big step towards my dialysis.  I am also feeling more prepared for my next surgery.  I now know the process. My next procedure will take place in the same environment with the same surgical team.  Familiarity is a good thing.

I also think my outpouring of raw emotion last night did me a lot of good.  Leading up to the surgery I had a lot of anxiety and bottled emotion.  Last night the flood gates were opened and as a result today I feel a bit lighter.  A bit brighter.

None of this is easy.  I didn’t want any of this and I didn’t expect to be dealing with organ failure at this time in my life.  Or at any point in my life.  But who truly knows what is around the corner?  Who truly knows what life is about to throw at them?  I certainly didn’t.  All I can do is continue to move forward.  All I can do is be grateful for the good that I have in my life.  The good that I have around me.

One step at a time.

Tonight I go to bed thankful for the care I have received.  Thankful for the love I feel.  Thankful to see the sunrise and sunset.