I am a fairytale fool.

I grew up believing in happy ever after.  I grew up believing that there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.  How this belief formed is probably like most children.  I  indulged in one too many Walt Disney movies because I loved the magic.  I loved the thought that there is goodness in everyone and we all get our princess moments.  And this belief has carried through to my adult life.  I no longer believe in fairy godmothers with magic wands however I do think that certain traits I have developed as an adult can be linked back to my early days of eating fairytales for breakfast.

As an adult I have been the ‘what’s next’ person.  The ‘grass must be greener elsewhere’ type.  The ‘ok, great we have done that now there must be something better we can do’.   I am the continuous improvement person on loop.   I must admit this trait has served me well in certain aspects of my life, in particular my career.  It has helped me to stay focused and drive myself to different levels of capability.  But this same trait also has a flip side and that flip side is the chaos it can cause in my personal life.

By believing that there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow means that I am constantly looking forward.  How do I get to the end?  How do I get to the happily ever after?  Why aren’t I there yet?  This behavior means that I haven’t embraced the journey I’m not always present, which means I miss what is right in front of me.  I miss appreciating and enjoying what I have in the now.   It also means I tend to not want to stay in one place for long as I like to constantly change up my environment and what I do.  I have also been known to be a bit too spontaneous.   Not only in the little things in life but also in the big things.  But this is something that I have been working on and with the events of the last twelve months this is to be what I see as the greatest lesson and change for me personally.

Twelve months ago I didn’t quite understand that it is all about the journey and not the destination.  All I have ever wanted to do was get to the destination.  I wanted the outcome, just like I do at work.  But things have changed.  I now understand that I will never get to the pot of gold because I will never get to the end of my personal journey.  Tomorrow never comes.  All I have is now.

Being present or living in the now isn’t a new concept.   I recall the famous movie moment of a classroom of boys being encouraged to “seize the day”.  But for me it is a lot easier said than done.  My natural go to has always been to look forward.  Keep moving.  Don’t stop.  And I don’t think that will change entirely.  I will always look forward and I will always keep moving but I will be more inclined to enjoy the present and slow down enough to smell the roses.

I am already doing this and I must say I am enjoying it.  I realize that I can’t treat my life like one big transit lounge.  I am not just passing through the day to get to the next one.  I need to make everyday meaningful.  I need to invest time and love into the right relationships.  I need to remind myself everyday that this isn’t a trial life.  This is my one life.  This is my only chance to live.

I might be trapped in a body that doesn’t work very well, but I am still me.  I owe it to myself and the people around me to be present and be the best version of me that I can possibly be.

I will always be a fairytale fool.