Being told that you are special and unique feels good when it comes from a place of care and support. But when it comes from your doctor it’s scary and keeps you awake at night.
My stay in hospital was not due to a virus or cold. It was due to my potassium being low and my blood being dangerously alkaline. Apparently when your blood is too acidic you are at risk of your central nervous system shutting down and falling into a coma. And at the other end of the spectrum if your blood is too alkaline you are at risk of seizures and death. My blood is too alkaline.
This is all new to me. The severe cramping in my feet and hands that I thought were part of my kidney failure I now know is because of my alkaline blood. The consultants in the hospital apparently have never seen results like mine before. I am apparently “rare” and a “challenge”. Which right now is the last thing I want to be. I want to know how to fix it. I want to know what pill I can pop. I want to know food to eat and what food not to eat. I don’t want to die from a seizure. I don’t want to be special. I don’t want to be a rare disease.
What can I do?
Nothing. They sent me home. They shook their head. They said sorry without making eye contact. They sent me home with a tube of potassium tablets and a bruised right arm. They sent me home with fear and questions. They sent me home with appointments for more tests.
I’m scared.
But I carry on. I have no choice. One step in front of the other. Just one more to deal with.