I don’t know how to be me.

My new skin is baggy.  It doesn’t fit me.  I want to jump out of it and go back to my old skin.  I want to go back to the old me.

I have crawled out of the rabbit hole.  But now at the top the light is too bright.  The space is too open.  I had grown strangely fond of the dark and confined space.  Can I slip back in without anyone noticing?  Can I survive living in the shadows?

My confidence has gone.  I don’t how to be…me.  I use to laugh.  I use to know what to say.  Now I bumble.  I stumble.

I was told the other day that I over explain.  Perhaps I do.  Perhaps I do because I am still trying to make sense of it myself.  Perhaps I do because I don’t want to leave room for judgement.  I have been judged and I have been hurt.  By those that I called close.  I now protect.

I am tired of thinking.  I am tired of trying to fit in.  How do you make it look easy?  How do you glide through life?  I watch people evolve.  I watch people achieve.  But I trip over my own skin.

I know who I use to be.  I know what I use to like doing.  But that is gone.  It is now all different.  How do I live in my new ordinary?