I’ve always been a bit of an over thinker.  I find it very difficult to stop the analysis despite my best efforts to live in the now and be present.  I however don’t consider my over thinking tendencies to be the same as worrying.   I’m not paralysed to action from my over active mind but I do admit to there being a fine line between over thinking and worrying.

My over thinking usually revolves around conversations.  I’ll either go back over a recent conversation and pull it apart or I’ll create a future conversation based on a present situation.

The stupid thing is I know that my over thinking of conversations doesn’t do me any good.  The usual feelings that resolve from my active thinking is guilt and disappointment.  I usually feel guilty for saying something that might have impacted someone else or I feel disappointed in myself for not expressing myself better during the conversation.  This usually then leads me to creating a fictional future conversation in my head where I can rectify the failure.

This sounds a bit nuts doesn’t it.   Even as I’m writing this and sharing my inner mind craziness I’m actually thinking “I’m not really expressing my thoughts very well in this piece of writing.  This is a poor blog post”

Hmm so is this all sounding like over thinking or am I really leaning more towards being a worrier?  And what has triggered this analysis of my over thinking?  Well the answer to my second question is that I started to read a new book today and in the opening chapter there was a statement that hit a chord with me.  The author said that we spend a lot of time worrying about little things in life that won’t come to fruition or they will actually pass us by and we will be fine.   The hyped up worry won’t impact us nearly as much as our imagination has led us to believe.  He carries on to say that it is actually the surprises in life that hit us on a normal Tuesday afternoon that will create the most chaos.  It is the stuff in life that side swipes us without any notice that will hurt and knock us to our knees.

I read this and immediately connected to his words of wisdom.  I have personally experienced such a freak unexpected strike in life.  I have also recently been a bystander as my Mum and a close friend have both been hit with a surprising force that has left them fighting for their lives.

As I analyse the words in my new book I think the message that is being conveyed is why let ourselves be consumed and stressed about day to day issues?  It is just stuff that we need to work through.  That is what living life is all about.  We are continually faced with situations and problems that we must work through in this maze of life.   Growing and learning at each dead end and turn.  For one day we might just get knocked down and we will need everything that we have to get back up and keep moving.

I know I’ve been knocked down, more than once.  But I’m doing my best to get back up.  I’m not there yet but I’m also not giving up.  I need to try to be more present and not over think, but I know my heart is in the right place.

Thankyou Mum and you my dearest friend for inspiring me.  You are such amazing women and inspirations in my journey.