I did it!  I did enough.  I changed my life and now I am free.  Not forever but at least for the next four months.  For the next four months I won’t be poked, prodded or pricked.  For the next four months I won’t be forced to eat frozen cheese sandwiches or drink grey warm tea through a straw.  For the next four months I won’t need to visit the building of death waiting for my number to be called.  For the next four months I don’t need to be hand held or watched over.

The last words that my specialist said to me yesterday were “keep doing what you are doing and stay away from this place”.  I don’t need to be told twice.  I raced out of there with a grin from ear to ear and a new spring in my step.  I felt proud of myself for achieving this huge health milestone.  I felt proud to think about my journey of the past eight months.

Eight months ago I was diagnosed with irreversible kidney failure.  I was told that my life as I knew was over.  I was told that I would now be dependent on a machine to keep me alive and that I would need a kidney transplant.  This hasn’t changed.  My future still holds that ahead for me, however I don’t need them today.  And I don’t need them for the next four months.  So I am free to live hospital free.

Getting here has been hard.  I have changed in every way.  I see the world differently.  I see the people around me differently.  But most importantly I see myself differently and I act differently.  I have swapped late nights for pj’s and heat packs.  I have swapped hectic weekends with sleeping and Netflix.  I have swapped sweaty body thumping workouts for casual walks along the beach with a cup of tea.  I don’t engage in negativity, I cherish unconditional love and I have let go of anger and resentment.  Friendship has been found in a small few and my new world could be described as quaint and simple.  I still have passion however with my energy being limited it is focused and clearly directed.

I know my life will continue to change and that I will be continually challenged by my deteriorating health, but I have four months of freedom and I am going to take it and enjoy it.