I fell back down the rabbit hole.  It’s dark.  It’s cold.  And it’s lonely.  But this time it’s different.  It’s familiar and I wanted to stay.  I didn’t fight it.  I let it wrap it’s blackness around me and engulf me in sadness and hopelessness.  I accepted it and I have lost count of how long I have been down here.

Friday an unexpected light cut through my darkness.  It was only for a split second, but I saw it.  And it woke me up.  It woke me up and now I want more.  I want to claw my way back out of this hole and live again.  Enjoy life again.

Donna, my cousin, you were the light.  I watched as you promised to give meaning to the word ‘love’.  I watched as you promised your journey to another.  You reminded me why we are here.  You reminded me that it’s not what’s in your pocket but what’s in your heart that’s important.  You reminded me that despite everything that life throws at us we can continue to grow.  We can continue to love.  We can continue to be compassionate and forgiving to ourselves and others.

Thank you for sharing your special day with me and thank you for reminding me that I can’t roll over in the dark.  Thank you for reminding me that I can’t live in the rabbit hole.

Today I start clawing back.  I know I can do it again.  I know I can get back out into the light and be a better version of me.  I will shed all that is negative and I will shed all that has been weighing me down.

I will be ok.

I will find my way.