The support I’ve received over the past few days since launching my social media quest to find a kidney has been amazing. I am overwhelmed by all the well wishes and beautiful messages. My expectations have been exceeded. And that is what I keep telling myself to focus on. I want to focus on all the good and positive messages that have boosted my hope for a future and not the couple of negatives messages that I’ve also received.
The sad and heart breaking part about the not so nice messages I’ve received is that they have been from fellow kidney patients. Their messages have mainly told me to “get in line” and that I need to do my time on dialysis before I can ask for a kidney. At first I felt sick and guilty, like a little child who was caught with my hand in the lolly jar without asking. I felt as though I had done something wrong by proactively trying to find a kidney. It was a terrible gut wrenching feeling as the messages were aggressive and I felt intimidated.
But now I feel angry. I didn’t ask to be sick. I didn’t ask to be fighting for my life. And nobody has given me a rule book on what I can and can’t do during organ failure. Are there any rules? Who do I ask? And why can’t I put myself out there and ask for a kidney? I’m not stealing anyone’s kidney and I’m not jumping a queue. I am creating my own queue. And right now there is nothing stopping anyone in a similar situation to me from doing the same thing.
Creating my quest for a kidney page was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I thought about it for a long time. What did I hope to achieve? How will people react? Will I attract insincere people? Am I just being a complete fool in thinking and believing that someone would want to give me a kidney? I thought of so many scenarios and conversations that might occur from me launching such a quest. But the one thing I didn’t consider was being hated by fellow kidney patients. This has taken me by surprise. And unfortunately not a pleasant one.
I am not sure how long I am meant to suffer and fear for my life before I can be proactive and try and save myself. Maybe I should write back to my fellow kidney patients that are hating on me and ask them. 6 months? 2 years? 10 years? Well unfortunately for them I have never been one to abide closely to rules. I am more of a challenger to status quo and I enjoy a bit of chaos and disruption. So I don’t care what they think. I am not going to sit back and wait for my kidneys to take me down with them. My kidneys might be dead but I’m not. And I have no intention on leaving this world anytime soon.
So to everyone who has been to my page and to everyone for reading my blog THANKYOU! I couldn’t get through this without you.
To you mean fellow kidney patients I feel sad for you.